


The Direction Of Our Fear

by random_chick



Category: Primeval
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-22
Updated: 2013-05-22
Packaged: 2017-12-12 15:31:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/813137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/random_chick/pseuds/random_chick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stephen didn't die, was merely injured. Following his injuries, he left the ARC and his life -- and his new relationship with Abby -- fell apart. When he returns to the ARC, can his friendships -- and his relationship with Abby -- be repaired or will everything fall apart again?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for anomaly_bigbang @ LJ.

The pain woke Stephen, as it did just about every night. This was one of the better nights, though -- he’d managed a solid four hours of sleep before he woke gasping for breath at the pain in his leg. It was sad that four hours was a good night, but he’d take it where he could get it.

He crawled out of bed and stumbled his way to the bathroom, fumbling with the medicine cabinet and grabbing his pain pills. He popped one and dry swallowed it, not even making a face as it went down. He was used to downing his pills without water, given how often he had to take them.

He hated how often he had to take the pain pills, even with as determined as he was to _not_ take them. He didn’t exactly relish the pain, but he figured he deserved it. He called it his punishment for ever falling prey to Helen and her manipulations. But sometimes, far too often for his liking, the pain was so bad he could barely function. And it was those times that he took one of his pills.

Stephen stumbled back to bed, sprawling out and waiting for the medicine to take effect. Somewhere along the line, he got the idea that calling Abby would be a good idea. He reached over to the nightstand, fumbling for his mobile. He found Abby’s number in his contacts and hit send.

The phone rang a few times before Abby picked up. “Hello?” Her voice sounded tired.

Stephen opened his mouth to speak and stopped. What the hell would he say to her? What _could_ he say to her? Oh, he knew what he _wanted_ to say, but he didn’t know if he had the guts to actually say it. He doubted it. He hadn’t had the guts to say anything to her before, so why would he now?

“Hello?” Abby repeated, confusion coloring her voice..

Stephen bit back a sigh. Damn, it was good hearing Abby’s voice again. He’d missed it, hadn’t heard her voice in months. But talking to her was apparently more than a bit beyond him at the moment.

“Who’s there?” Abby sounded a mix of concerned and annoyed now.

Stephen’s response was to hang up. He didn’t know why he’d thought it a good idea to call his ex-girlfriend.

He blamed the painkillers. They took rather a lot of blame, actually.

 

Abby stared at her phone in confusion before checking the list of calls to see who’d just hung up on her.

She stared at the name in shock for a moment. _Stephen_ had called her? She hadn’t heard from him in three months. Why was he calling her now? Something was wrong, it had to be.

“Something wrong, Abby?” Sarah asked, tilting her head and looking at her friend and coworker in concern.

Abby shook her head. “Just a call from my ex-boyfriend,” she said, still thrown by the fact that Stephen had called her.

“At this time of night?” Sarah sounded surprised. “What’s he doing up this late? The only reason _we’re_ up is that call we just got back from.”

“He probably couldn’t sleep,” Abby said. “He doesn’t sleep much nowadays. Or at least, he doesn’t sleep very well, I should say. The pain gets to him and the pain pills make him silly and loopy. Which is probably why he thought it was a good idea to call me at one in the morning.”

Sarah tilted her head again. “It’s Stephen, isn’t it?”

“How’d you guess?” Abby smiled sadly and tucked her mobile into her pocket.

“He’s the only ex you’ve had since I came along,” Sarah said. “And he’s the only one you have that’s on painkillers, as far as I know. Though if you’ve got more than one ex on painkillers, that’s probably some kind of a conversation we need to be having.”

“Yeah, he’s the only one.” Abby sighed. “I hate seeing him in pain of any kind. Not that I’ve seen him in months, but even so. I still hate it.”

“He pushed you away,” another voice said. That would be Connor, who’d come into the room in time to hear the last part of the exchange.

“I know, Conn,” Abby said. “But that doesn’t mean I want to see him hurting.”

Stephen would always be in pain, though. He would always need the painkillers, the doctors had said. The best he could hope for was good days and bad days, and more of the first than the second.

“Me, either, Abs. But you gotta remember that he’s the one who shoved you away and left you.” Conner didn’t have much in the way of sympathy for the older, injured man.

 

“He didn’t leave me.”

“Okay, so he didn’t walk out on you or anything like that,” Connor said, exasperated. “But he pushed you away and hasn’t talked to you since. If that’s not leaving you, what is?”

“He just called,” Abby said, almost like she wanted to prove Connor wrong -- and admittedly, part of her did.

“And what’d he say?” Connor arched an eyebrow.

“Nothing,” Abby said, looking away. “He was silent for a minute and then he just hung up.”

“Coward,” Connor said mildly. “He’s afraid to face you, so he calls -- and he can’t even do that properly.”

Connor wasn’t Stephen’s biggest fan, thanks to the way Stephen had so abruptly pushed Abby out of his life. Connor didn’t think Abby deserved it and Stephen had done nothing to explain himself.

“Be nice, Conn,” Abby chided. “He can’t be blamed for anything right now. He’s... not who he used to be.”

“He’s still good at hurting us,” Connor said. “First the shite with Helen and now pushing you away.”

“I’m over it,” Abby said with a nonchalant shrug. “I mean, it sucks, yeah, but... this stuff happens, y’know? Okay, not the part where your boyfriend gets attacked by predatory creatures, but the part where relationships fall apart and people grow distant.”

“But if he’s so distant, why’d he call you?” Sarah asked.

That was what Abby wanted to know.

 

Finally the painkillers had kicked in; Stephen was sprawled out in bed, half asleep and actually able to ignore the pain for a change. It rarely if ever went away, but sometimes there were moments -- generally while he was doped to the gills -- where he could ignore it for a little bit. He liked those moments. Those moments were the closest thing to true joy he had in his life, which was quite possibly the saddest thing in the world. But such was the way of things now.

He tossed and turned for a moment before rolling onto his side. As much as he tried, he couldn’t avoid thinking about Abby again, despite the pain trying to distract him. She could always get through to him no matter how much pain he was in. It’d been one of the few good things in their relationship, as short and ultimately doomed as it’d been.

He sighed and shifted slightly, nestling down under the covers. He was reasonably comfortable, all things considered, so in theory he should be able to fall asleep again.

In theory.

In actuality, all he was doing was thinking. Lots and lots of thinking, all circling back to the same damn thing, the fact that he missed Abby so much it hurt beyond his physical hurts. He missed her and he didn’t even have the courage to tell her so.

He’d always been a coward, though, when it came to all the things that counted. When things had started between Abby and him, it’d been she who made the first move coming to see him in the hospital and sitting at his side for days and then kissing him one night when she thought he was asleep.

He’d never even told her he loved her.

Oh, he’d told her how much she mattered, how much he cared, how important she was, but he’d never come right out with those three little words -- and he couldn’t help but wonder how different things might’ve been if he had. Maybe they would have been able to tough out the hard times (though, really, all the times had been hard times) and make a go of things instead of burning out in a flood of distance and pushing away.

Or at least maybe he would have had the courage to end things like a man instead of a coward.

Sighing heavily, Stephen rolled onto his back and looked at the ceiling. Despite the painkillers pushing the pain back to a dim ache, it seemed as though sleep would be long in coming.

Not so different from any other night, really.


	2. Chapter 2

Morning rolled around and Stephen woke in a haze of aches and pains. Well, really, it was more like aches and a stabbing sharpness that made him feel as though he’d never be able to move without a fresh wave of pain, but close enough.

After a few moments of laying still and breathing heavily and praying to a deity he wasn’t sure he believed in anymore that the pain would go away, Stephen was able to move. The moving was slow and yes, painful, but he managed. It took him ten minutes to make it out of bed and into the kitchen, but at least he was moving.

Stephen got the coffee going and leaned against the counter. He didn’t have anything to do that day, which meant he had plenty of free time to once again think.

Only he was tired of thinking, especially since his thoughts always circled around to Abby. He was tired of thinking about the woman he’d lost and would never have again.

But there was nothing much for him to do _except_ think, so of course his thoughts were going to keep on circling back around to Abby. Some people would say he needed to move on, to find another woman to occupy his time and attentions, but Stephen didn’t _want_ another woman, didn’t want anybody except Abby.

Stephen laughed bitterly as he pulled a coffee cup from a cabinet. He was really pretty good at wanting women he could never have. It was almost a thing with him, almost a type.

Except it was a type he didn’t want. He _wanted_ someone he could be with, who was attainable. Who he hadn’t hurt too badly to ever take him back.

Because oh yes, he knew he’d hurt Abby. How could he _not_ know? All he was good for was hurting people.

Oh, wonderful. He rolled his eyes as he poured himself a cup of coffee. Apparently today was going to be one of his self-pitying days. He hated those days, found them frustrating beyond belief. It was yet another sign -- to him, at least -- that he was too damaged to ever be worth someone’s time.

And there went the self pity again.

He sighed and sipped at his coffee. Today was going to be a _long_ day.

 

Abby was in a solemn mood as she knocked at the door of Cutter’s lab. She hadn’t gotten much sleep after going home shortly following the call from Stephen and it was still early -- barely eight -- yet she was curiously awake.

“Come in!” Cutter called, sounding distracted -- though he always sounded that way.

Abby let herself in, the door sliding aside with a barely audible hiss, and smiled faintly as the door hissed shut behind her. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Of course,” he said, cocking his head and looking at her in a mixture of curiosity and concern. For Abby to bring a concern to him and to look so uncertain about it meant that something important was bothering her.

“I heard from Stephen,” she said without preamble, knowing that if she tried to find the right words she’d _never_ find them so she might as well go with what were probably the wrong words but were the only words she had.

“When?” Cutter asked, not sure whether or not he should be worried. Even _he_ hadn’t heard from Stephen much in the six months since the other man’s injury. And he knew that things had been especially tense between Abby and Stephen after they’d split up.

“Oh, one o’clock this morning or something like that,” Abby said, suddenly tired though not in the sleepy sense. It was more the “facing something she didn’t know whether or not she had the strength to face” sort of tired.

“Then he was in pain,” Cutter said. “Which explains the hour of the call though not the reason. Did he tell you why?”

“He didn’t say anything, actually,” Abby said, dropping down into a chair. “There was silence and then he hung up. I had to check and see who the call was from to know it was actually him.” There was pain in her voice, pain she wasn’t even trying to hide -- a sure sign of how miserable she was. Abby tended to keep her emotions fairly close to her, at least when it came to her feelings for Stephen.

Cutter sighed. “He’s... going through a difficult time, Abby,” he began.

“So am I!” Abby said, pain in her voice despite her best efforts. “I loved him! I loved him and he pushed me away.”

“It isn’t just you, Abby,” Cutter said. “He’s pushed all of us away.” And that hurt. Yes, things between the two of them hadn’t been at all good, but there hadn’t even been a chance for the two of them to get along again.

“Yes, but you’re not the one he was in a relationship with,” Abby pointed out bitterly. “I am. I loved him with everything in me, more than I thought I had in me to give, and he rejected it.”

“Oh, Abby,” Cutter said softly. “I don’t know what to say, just that Stephen... well... he’s in pain and I don’t think he’s ever forgiven himself for everything he did to the lot of us.”

“He shouldn’t have had to deal with it alone, though,” Abby persisted. “I would’ve been with him through anything, no matter what.”

“Stephen’s always been very good at punishing himself for things,” Cutter said. “This is no different.”

“Yes, it is,” Abby said. “It’s different because I wasn’t enough to help him. I wasn’t what he wanted.” She went pale and buried her face in her hands; she hadn’t quite meant to say that.

“Yes, you were,” Cutter said, feeling utterly and completely out of his depth. This part of the conversation was probably better had with Sarah or Jenny, but it’d apparently fallen to him. “Stephen’s just... got issues.”

Abby laughed at that, a little down but needing to find humor in it somewhere. “Yeah, well, so do I. That’s no excuse for pushing me away.”

“No, it’s not,” Cutter agreed. “But Stephen’s never been good at relationships. We’ll count his thing with Helen here as a relationship, for our purposes. Still with me?”

Abby nodded cautiously, not at all sure where Cutter was going with it but willing to follow along with him.

“Helen, Allison, you... the big, important relationships... he failed at all of them.”

Abby nodded again. “How’d he fail with Helen?” she asked, unable to keep the bitter tone completely out of her voice.

“He let Helen get under his skin, get inside his head. She’s a manipulative bitch and he fell prey to it.”

Made sense to Abby. “If he wanted to make it work... well... there was nothing he could do there because it was never going to work.”

“Exactly,” Cutter said with a nod. “But Helen’s very good at stringing people along, telling them what they want to hear, and telling them what they need to hear in order to be at peace with themselves. She’s always been very charismatic.”

Abby still didn’t get where Cutter was going with all this, but what he was saying made sense. “It must’ve hurt him to realize Helen was a lie.”

“So he pretended she wasn’t a lie,” Cutter said. “And with Allison... well, I don’t know much about their relationship, but I do know that they were apart more than they were together and it didn’t do things any good.”

“But he and I _were_ together,” Abby said. “Yes, most of the time he was in the hospital, except for the last couple weeks of it all, but...” She sighed. “Shit, I don’t know.”

“My point is -- and I assure you, there’s a point buried somewhere in all this -- that Stephen is looking for something but he doesn’t know _what_ he’s looking for yet, and until he figures it out he’s going to keep making a right mess of things.” Cutter looked at her sympathetically.

Abby sighed again. “He doesn’t have to look for it alone,” she said. “If he’d let me, I’d be right there with him every step of the way.”

“He doesn’t realize that, though.”

Abby could only nod in silent agreement. As much as it made sense, and as much as it hurt, she knew Cutter was right. And until Stephen realized it, there was probably little if anything she could really do for him.

God, she hated that.


	3. Chapter 3

Stephen had errands to run, never mind the pain he was in and never mind how sorry he was feeling for himself. There was grocery shopping to be done, regardless of how his body felt. Luckily, he’d moved to a flat near a grocery store after his accident -- accident, hah! -- so he could walk. He hadn’t driven since before he’d been basically mauled and he wasn’t really about to start any time soon.

Not that walking was easy on him, but it was the only option he had. He was too damn proud to ask anybody for a ride and public transportation was as much of a no as begging for a ride.

So understandably, he was grateful to reach the grocery store and be able to lean, albeit rather heavily, against his cart. It was warm in the store, but he kept his jacket on -- it helped hide the scars on his arms, scars that he didn’t feel like trying to explain away with yet another lie to yet another curious person who couldn’t keep their damn mouth shut.

It was a reasonable pain day so far, though, aside from having to take his pills at one in the morning. So at least he’d likely be able to get most of the way through his errands before the pain came back with a ferocity that made him unable to do anything except lay in bed or on the couch. This had him in as good a mood as he was ever in nowadays, when he wasn’t alternately feeling sorry for himself.

Stephen dug in his pocket for his grocery list and a pen; he’d have more to carry home than was comfortable, but he hadn’t been thinking of that when he wrote the list out. He swore under his breath as he went over the list, trying to find anything he didn’t absolutely need right now and that he could scratch off for the time being.

He was so focused on his list that he wasn’t aware of the person coming up behind him; only when he felt a sharp pain racing up his leg to settle in his lower back did he realize that someone had run into him with their shopping cart. In too much sudden pain now to be snappish, Stephen turned around slowly. “Nick... hey,” he said awkwardly, any thought of cranky reactions now flown clear out of his head.

Cutter had finally gone home -- when Abby had come to talk to him he hadn’t even left the ARC yet -- and now he was taking care of a necessary errand before going home to pass out for several hours. If he didn’t do his grocery shopping now, he’d get home and sleep and then wake up hungry only to discover the place distressingly barren of food. He had a tendency to forget to do things like eat, so it wasn’t at all surprising that he’d go so long without taking care of a simple thing like groceries. It was a special talent, really.

“Stephen, hello,” he said warmly, unable to keep himself from giving Stephen a once-over. Stephen looked tired and in pain, but more than that he looked... strangely defeated, like he’d given up and was just waiting for life to move along. “Are you alright? I’m sorry I ran into you; I was a bit on the distracted side.”

“When aren’t you?” Stephen retorted, with a faint trace of his old sense of humor. “You’ve always got a lot on your mind, Nick.”

Cutter nodded; it was true enough. “What’ve you been up to?” he asked curiously.

“Since the accident, you mean?” Stephen was tired of people beating around the bush.

Cutter nodded again. “Yes. Since the accident.”

“Got out of the hospital around three months ago, as you know. Haven’t done much with my life since then.” Stephen shrugged. “I haven’t found a job, so I’m not working yet. Thankfully I had some savings, though that won’t last forever.”

“You’re looking for a job?” Cutter couldn’t help sounding surprised. “You’re not coming back to the ARC?”

Stephen shook his head. “No,” he said. “At least, most likely not.”

“Why not?” Stephen would have to forgive him the bluntness, Cutter decided.

Stephen actually appreciated the bluntness, truth be told. It was a refreshing change. “Why should I come back?” he asked with a shrug. “What’s left there for me?”

“Abby.”

Stephen cocked his head in confusion.

“Abby’s still there,” Cutter said mildly. “She still loves you, Stephen. She hasn’t stopped. I don’t think she ever will.”

“I’d just hurt her if I stayed with her,” Stephen said. “I can’t do a relationship without hurting someone. It’s for the best that Abby and I are no longer together.” Never mind that he did miss her terribly, with everything he had in him that wasn’t the pain talking. It was still for the best.

“She doesn’t seem to feel the same,” Cutter said. “In fact, she told me she wasn’t enough for you, that she wasn’t what you wanted.”

And oh, was he glad Abby wasn’t around to hear him tell Stephen that part. He didn’t particularly feel like getting whacked for revealing that particular secret. And it _was_ secret.

Stephen just blinked. “What the bloody hell gave her that idea?’

“Oh, I don’t know,” Cutter said mildly. “Maybe the way you pushed her away, stopped talking to her all of a sudden.”

 

“It was for her own good,” Stephen said. “I can’t do anything except hurt my loved ones, and I love her more than anything else in the world.”

Cutter noticed the present tense of that statement but chose not to comment on it. Instead he said, “So, then what? You love her so you can’t be with her?”

“Something like that,” Stephen said. “Because she deserves better than to be constantly hurt by me.”

“She was willing to help you through whatever was bothering you,” Cutter said. “She didn’t care what was bothering you, she just wanted to be there for you.”

“How do you know?” Stephen asked suspiciously.

“Because she’s talked to me about it,” Cutter said. “She blames _herself_ for things, I get the feeling. Maybe not for the breakup, but for being the reason behind it.”

“She wasn’t though,” Stephen said. “At least... not really. It was to protect her, to keep her safe, to spare her from having to deal with me.”

“Did you ever tell her that?” Cutter asked pointedly. “Not that she would’ve accepted your excuses, but did you ever bother to tell her that you had actual reasons for doing what you did, idiotic though they might’ve been?”

“I didn’t see the point,” Stephen said quietly, looking away. “If she’d known, she’d have fought. She wouldn’t have let me push her away.”

“And maybe that was what you needed.” Cutter’s voice was gentler now, more reassuring. “Maybe you needed that tenacity in your life to help keep you from giving up.”

“I haven’t given up yet,” Stephen said, affronted.

“No, but you want to.”

Stephen couldn’t deny that. “Not always,” he said after a little too much of a pause. “Just sometimes.”

“And Abby would have never let you give up,” Cutter said. “She would have never even let you start doubting yourself.”

“Keeping me emotionally and psychologically strong is too much for _me_ and it’s my own issues,” Stephen said. “I wasn’t going to ask her to take that on.”

“That’s just it,” Cutter said simply. “You didn’t need to ask.”

Stephen couldn’t afford to let himself think about whether or not Cutter had a point; if he let himself think about that, then he’d start thinking about getting in contact with Abby again and he couldn’t let that happen.

“Listen,” he said awkwardly. “It’s been great to see you again, but I should probably get on with my shopping so I can get home.”

Cutter reluctantly let his friend move on. What else could he do? If Stephen wasn’t able to see reason, then pushing him would do no good.


	4. Chapter 4

Abby stood in the locker room, one hand on the open door of her locker, staring at the picture she’d taped up inside it months ago. It was a picture from when Stephen had still been in the hospital -- he was sitting up in his hospital bed and she was sitting next to him on the edge of the bed, leaning carefully against him.

She was struck by how happy they both looked. Yes, he was in pain. It was written on his face. But more than that, there was a happy look in his eyes. A content look.

So what had gone wrong? What had happened that’d made him no longer happy to be with her?

“Something on your mind?”

Abby jumped at the sound of someone’s voice. “Becker, hey,” she greeted with a sheepish smile. “No, not really. At least, nothing other than the usual.”

Which meant Stephen, Becker reflected as he glanced at the picture. “Heard from him lately?”

“Not really,” Abby said. “Not in the past three months. Well, not unless you count the phone call this morning at like one where he called me and didn’t say anything and then hung up.” She shrugged.

Becker frowned thoughtfully. “He didn’t say anything? Really?”

“Not a word,” Abby said, sighing. “Though if he had, I’m not sure what I would’ve said back. I mean, it’s been three months since the split.”

Becker gave Abby a sympathetic smile. “I’m sorry,” he said gently. “I know it can’t be easy for you.”

“It’s not,” Abby admitted. “Especially since there’s the possibility that someday I’ll see him back here again. Because he could very well come back to work here one of these days.”

“If he does, what do you think you’ll do?” Becker asked curiously, leaning up against the lockers casually.

“Honestly?” Abby sighed again, heavily this time. “I have no idea.” That was how she went through life most times these days, without an idea or a clue. “I mean, for his sake I want him to heal enough to be able to come back to work and do what he loves, but for my sake? I don’t know what I want and that makes me feel like the worst person in the world.”

“It makes you human,” Becker said with a shrug. “You want him to be happy, but you want to be happy too. And frankly, from what little I know of the situation, I’d say your happiness is more important at the moment.”

“Why do you say that?” She looked at him curiously.

 

“Because you’re my friend.” Becker grinned. “Not like I’m saying he doesn’t deserve a good life, but you’re the one whose happiness I’m concerned with.”

Abby smiled faintly. Becker was one of those people who could always get her to smile, even if only a little. She was glad to be able to call him a friend.

She needed all the friends she could get.

 

Connor was worried about Abby. Ever since that phone call from Stephen two weeks earlier, she’d been quiet and almost withdrawn. Something was bothering her and she wouldn’t tell him what, no matter how much he pushed her to talk. And he was stubborn, so he’d pushed a lot over the past two weeks. It hadn’t helped, but he’d tried anyway.

Head buried in a file, he walked down the corridor without paying attention to his surroundings, much as he usually did. And much as he usually did, he plowed right into someone.

“Oi, mate!” Connor protested, trailing off when he saw who it was. “What’re _you_ doing here?”

“Good to see you, too, Connor,” Stephen said dryly. “And I’m here to talk to Lester.”

“About what?” Connor asked suspiciously.

“Coming back to work,” Stephen said, hiding the nerves he felt. Displaying them around Connor, of all people, was a surefire path to a spectacular fight. Connor was more observant than most people gave him credit for, and Stephen didn’t put it past the other man not to pick at him and goad him into a fight.

“What? Seriously?” Connor looked at Stephen skeptically. “You have a lot of nerve.” Which wasn’t even the _start_ of what he wanted to say.

“Oh, really?” Stephen looked at Connor mildly, now hiding a flash of anger. “Who are you to tell me how much nerve I’ve got?”

“Abby’s best mate, that’s who,” Connor said. “You did a number on her, mate, and you coming back here is only going to make it worse.”

“It’s between me and Abby, what happened,” Stephen said. “Besides, there’s nothing that says I’ll even be allowed to come back.”

“I hope you’re not.” With that, Connor walked away without so much as a goodbye.

Stephen could only stare after him.

“And who are you to have Connor so damn uncivil?”

Stephen turned towards the voice. “Stephen Hart,” he said warily. “And you are?”

“Danny Quinn,” was the reply. “And ah, I figured I’d meet you one of these days.”

“If you’re going to insult me, can you make it quick?” Stephen asked. “I’ve got to talk to Lester and I’d like to not be late. He doesn’t tolerate it from his employees, so I can’t see as he’d tolerate it from me.”

Danny laughed. “You’ve got that right,” he said. “And no insults. Not yet, anyway. Give me time to know you better and maybe that’ll change.”

Stephen stifled a smile. This guy wasn’t so bad.

“Though I don’t recommend saying anything to Abby,” Danny added after a second. “She’s my friend and if you hurt her, I’ll be forced to beat your face in.”

“I’m not here to see her, so don’t worry,” Stephen assured him. “She’s the last person I want to see right now.”

Which wasn’t entirely the truth. He wanted to see her, wanted to see her so badly it hurt. But seeing her would only lead to hurt for the both of them. So as much as he wanted to see her, she was the last person he _needed_ to see.

Danny eyed him skeptically. “Just be careful,” he said before making his way down the hall.

Stephen exhaled gratefully. At least one person here wasn’t antagonistic or threatening towards him. Yet, anyway. He was entirely sure Danny would be both once he knew more.

After all, he would be if the situation were reversed.

 

Lester glanced up at a light rap at the open door. “Ah, Stephen, you’re here,” he said, giving the other man something almost resembling a smile. “For a moment there, I thought you’d be late for our appointment.”

“Not for something so important as this,” Stephen said. “I’m only as close to the time as I am because of running into first Connor and then Danny in the hall.”

“Has the charming Mr. Quinn threatened to pound your face in yet?” Lester asked straight-faced.

“He has, actually.” Stephen almost smiled at that. “Not that I blame him.”

“He’s the newest member of the team, beating out the good Captain Becker and Dr. Page by a few weeks, so Danny hasn’t had time to hear all the stories yet,” Lester said, giving Stephen a look now that could best be described as guarded. “I wouldn’t let him hear about the way you and Abby parted or he’ll be _actually_ beating you senseless instead of simply threatening to do so.”

“Well, he won’t be hearing it from me,” Stephen said with a shrug. “So unless Abby tells him -- or unless someone else on the team tells him -- then we should be fine. Besides, I don’t even know if I’ll be allowed back here.”

“You’re good at what you do,” Lester said mildly. “And you know this place inside and out. I’ll have to make quite the sales pitch, but I can’t imagine you not being hired on again in at least some capacity.”

It wasn’t an endorsement from Lester, but it was nearly one. Stephen knew the other man didn’t lie to his team. Not that Stephen was part of the team anymore, but he was nearly part of it again.

“I don’t want Abby to know I’m back until I’m actually hired on again,” Stephen said. “I’ll tell her, because she deserves to hear it from me, but I don’t want to tell her until we know it’s a certainty. Because if I’m not hired on again, I’m leaving this place behind me. I don’t want her to know I’m around only to see me we walk away again.”

He laughed bitterly, unable to help himself.

“Though at least this time I’ll be able to walk away properly. Last time, it was more a pronounced limp and praying I didn’t fall on my face.”

Lester eyed Stephen warily, trying to decide whether or not the other man was joking. Somehow, he had the feeling that Stephen really _wasn’t_ joking about the matter.

“I wouldn’t talk about walking away from Abby where anyone else here could hear you,” he advised. “They probably won’t take it very kindly.”

“No, I imagine not,” Stephen said with a heavy sigh. “I’ve already run into Danny and Connor since I walked into the building. I’m hoping to get out of here without running into anybody else.”

Lester gave a shrug. “You’re on your own on that one, Hart. I’d help you if I could, but truth be told I’m not terribly pleased with the way you hurt Abby, either, so consider this me tossing you to the wolves to what extent I’m able.”

Somehow, Stephen wasn’t at all surprised.


	5. Chapter 5

Nearly a week went by before Stephen got the call from Lester. When the call came, he was laid up in bed, watching television and waiting for the pain pills to kick in so he could take a nap before doing the half a dozen things he had to do around his flat. Household chores were the last thing he wanted to be doing -- or about to be doing -- but he’d let them go undone too long. And he was actually having a day where he felt pretty damn good, pain issues aside. So while he didn’t want to be doing chores, he wanted to be doing _something_ , just to prove to himself that he was still able to be a reasonably functioning adult.

His mobile rang before he could puzzle out the rest of his motivations; he got to it on the third ring, not a bad move for him considering it was across the room. “Hello?”

“The decision’s been made, Hart,” Lester said without preamble. He wasn’t a hundred percent happy with the decision despite his being generally willing to go to bat for the other man, but he wasn’t going to actually do anything about it, so all he could really do was be as grumpy as possible while calling Stephen.

“And?” Stephen was suddenly, unbelievably nervous. He’d spent a week worrying about what the end result of Lester’s conversations with the higher ups would be. Now, he was thisclose to finding out and quite frankly, he was terrified.

“Welcome back,” Lester said. “You’re to start again in a week.”

“That’s fine,” Stephen said, the adrenaline from his worry still coursing through him. “That’s honestly more time than I thought I’d be given.”

“They wanted it to be sooner, on the basis that you should be able to come back sooner if you’re actually well enough to work, but I convinced them to give you a week just in case you have anything you need to get out of the way -- doctor’s appointments, that sort of thing.”

“That’s rather kind of you, sir,” Stephen said, vaguely surprised but at the same time not all that surprised after all. Lester had a remarkable capacity for doing the unexpected.

“Don’t get too excited, Hart,” Lester said dryly. “It won’t happen often.”

“I understand, sir.” Stephen fought back a chuckle as they hung up.

Energized now, Stephen set the mobile back down and headed for his laundry hamper. An almost cheerful bounce was in his step now as he he started tossing dirty clothes into the basket beside his hamper. Things were starting to look up. Of course, it was also entirely possible that things were going to crash and burn as soon as he actually started back at the ARC, but he was still in a good enough mood that he wasn’t going to actively think about that possibility. It’d be at the back of his mind, true, but something just at the back of his mind was a big improvement over the worrying he’d been doing for the past several days. It wasn’t much, but he’d take it.

 

Two weeks later, Stephen Hart was officially back on staff at the ARC. And as Stephen had requested, Lester left the breaking of that particular news to Stephen in regards to Abby. Everyone else would find out in a meeting later on that day.

Stephen knew Abby was likely in one of the labs, as she always had been the first time he’d worked there. But, in a spectacular display of procrastination, he swung by the locker room first.

And nearly backed right out of the room upon seeing Abby at her locker. Instead, he just stood in the doorway, staring awkwardly at her.

This was not how he’d wanted the conversation to start off. Maybe he could back out of the room before she noticed he was there...

“ _Stephen_?” Abby’s voice was nearly a yelp. “What are you doing here?”

God, it was good to see him, even with the way everything had happened.

“I... well... I work here again,” Stephen said awkwardly, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

“You what?” Abby stared at him blankly for a moment. “I thought you quit. Or were close to quitting. Was I wrong? I mean, you just... you never came back, so I assumed...”

“I resigned,” Stephen said. “It was the first thing I did after we broke up.”

“You cowardly bastard.” Abby’s voice was low and full of pain. “You damn cowardly bastard.”

Stephen bit the inside of his cheek but said nothing. He deserved whatever Abby said to him, he knew it, so who was he to speak up and stop her?

“What, you don’t want to talk to me?” Abby slammed her locker shut. “Fine. See you around, Mr. Hart. God willing, you’re not actually working with the main team anymore.”

“I... am, actually,” Stephen admitted.

Abby looked as though she were resisting the urge to swear. “Just wonderful. Do the others know yet?”

Stephen shook his head. “I wanted to tell you myself,” he said quietly. “I thought you deserved that much, at least.”

“Paltry attempt at apology,” she said tartly. “And not a successful one, just so you know.” She moved to walk past him.

Stephen moved before he thought it through, grabbing Abby’s arm just hard enough to catch her attention as she walked past him. He looked at her for a moment, staring into eyes he thought he’d never again stare into.

“I didn’t come back to hurt you.”

She jerked her arm away. “Could have fooled me,” she said, her words sharp and biting. “Because believe me, Stephen, hurting me is _exactly_ what you have done.”

And with that, she stormed off down the hall.

All Stephen could do was watch and stare, having the sinking feeling that working at the ARC wasn’t going to be nearly as easy as it had been the first time around.

 

The rest of the team sat around in Lester’s office in varying stages of confusion. Being all called together wasn’t an unusual occurrence, but the way Abby was absent and the way Lester wasn’t saying anything had everyone’s guard up.

“What’s going on, James?” It was Jenny who finally said something. “Why’ve you called us all in here?”

“By the way, your office? So not meant to hold this many people,” Connor said with a grumble from where he was wedged between Becker and Danny.

“It’s important,” Lester said, finally looking up at everyone. “But it’s also a matter of rather... delicate importance.”

“What is it?” Danny asked impatiently. “We don’t have all day around here, sir.” The last word seemed distinctly belatedly tacked on.

Lester gave Danny a Look. “Or would you rather prefer I come flat out and say that I’ve hired someone else for the team?”

The room erupted into chaos; Lester sat there for a moment, pinching the bridge of his nose before letting out a sharp whistle. “Everyone, just shut the bloody hell up!”

The surprise of those words out of Lester’s mouth was enough to quiet the room.

“Who is it?” Sarah asked.

“Half of you know him already, half of you don’t,” Lester said. “We’ve just hired Stephen Hart back on.”

Cutter stared in surprise. He’d run into Stephen a few weeks earlier and Stephen hadn’t said anything about planning to come back.

“It’s only been seven months since his injuries,” Jenny said. “Is it really... wise that he comes back so soon?” So very much not what she’d wanted to say at first, but then she’d decided that _someone_ in this situation needed to be tactful.

“He seems to think he’ll be fine,” Lester replied. “And the decision came from higher up than myself, in the end. So the main team -- “

“ -- is stuck with a risk,” Connor said. “I mean, there’s the chance something could happen to him when we’re out on a call.”

“The main team is also the team best suited to handle said risk,” Lester said sharply. “Your unique combination of skills is best suited to back Stephen up in case of a problem.”

“It almost sounds like you’re saying you actually like us,” Danny said, stifling a smirk. “I’m flattered, really I am. But I don’t know if I want to deal with Hart.”

“Stephen’s not a bad guy,” Cutter said, a slight protective note in his voice. “And he’s damn good at his work. That’s all that matters.” Or rather, it was all that _should_ matter.

“Take your squabbles and get out of my office,” Lester said, dismissively waving a hand. “I don’t have time for the lot of you.”

The team filed out of the office, again in various states of confusion. Connor grabbed Sarah and Jenny and pulled them to the side. “Someone should go find Abby and check up on her, make sure she knows,” he said quietly. “Because she wasn’t in that meeting.”

“Which probably means she was told in advance,” Jenny said, frowning thoughtfully. “I’ll take care of it, Conn. You get back to work.”

Connor was happy to leave it to one of the girls. Abby was his best mate, really she was, but this was more than a little bit beyond him and his ability to deal.


	6. Chapter 6

Jenny found Abby in the locker room, sitting on a bench and quietly crying, her face buried in her hands. “Oh, Abby...” Jenny murmured softly as she moved to sit next to her coworker and friend. “I take it you know.”

“I know,” Abby said glumly, nodding in agreement. “Stephen told me himself earlier.”

Jenny wasn’t sure whether that was courteous of Stephen or just twisting the knife in deeper. Possibly even a bit of both. “And he’s on the main team, so you won’t be able to avoid him,” she said, wrapping an arm around Abby’s shoulders.

“I can’t do it, Jen,” Abby said, still looking down. “I can’t face him every day. Not remembering what we had before. Not with how much I love him.”

Jenny caught the tense of that particular verb. “But you can’t leave, either,” she said gently. “You love your job and you’re quite good at it.”

“And it wouldn’t be fair to the animals to quit just because I have a personal problem with my new teammate,” Abby said, wiping away her tears. She lifted her face and looked at Jenny. “But I don’t know how I’ll manage seeing Stephen every day.”

“I wish I knew what to tell you, but I don’t,” Jenny said with a sigh. “All I know is, you’re a valuable part of this team and if you do something crazy like quit, the team will suffer a great loss.””

Abby sighed heavily. “I’m not going to quit,” she said. “I like it here too much. But it’s not going to be easy to stay.”

“The right thing is rarely easy to do,” Jenny said, giving Abby a gentle hug. “And who knows? Maybe you’ll be able to avoid Stephen as much as you possibly can.”

Abby wasn’t sure whether she hoped for that or not.

 

The first couple of days were an exercise in the utmost awkwardness. There weren’t any calls for the team to go out on, which was unusual but something Abby was grateful for. She wasn’t sure if she could handle working so closely to Stephen just yet. At least when they were all in the ARC facility, it was large enough that she could for the most part avoid him.

The problem was those times where she _couldn’t_ avoid him. They ended up making stilted conversation that only ended once one of them was able to turn and damn near run away.

But it wasn’t as painful as Abby had anticipated. Oh, it still hurt like hell, there was no denying that. But when she put her emotions aside and focused on the good parts of having Stephen back, she was able to cope. Because it _was_ good to see him moving around as well as he was and it _was_ good to see him able to get back to doing something he loved and was good at.

So the first week went pretty much smoothly, overall, until they hit day seven.

Abby had her head down, so she didn’t see Stephen until she was too close to just turn and pretend she was going the other way -- which was sometimes the only way she’d been able to get through a moment of seeing him -- so she just sort of stood there and looked at him awkwardly. “Hey,” she said softly.

“Hey,” he replied, just as softly. “You look good today.”

“I always look good, thank you very much,” Abby said tartly, but with a hint of laughter in her voice, and surprised laughter at that. It was actual banter between them. Not quite the banter of before, but it was something she could live with. It was better than the alternative, anyway -- said alternative being awkwardness and avoidance. They were both pretty good at the latter.

“True,” Stephen admitted with a slight nod of his head. “You look better than I do nowadays, at any rate.”

Abby just looked at him for a long moment. “You look good, Stephen,” she said gently. “You’re still damn attractive, so don’t you think for a moment that you aren’t.”

“They do say that chicks dig scars,” Stephen cracked. “Though, who ‘they’ are is something I’ve always wondered. I’d like to have a few words with them.”

“How scarred are you?” Abby asked impulsively, and only after she’d spoken did she wonder if that question was too pushy.

“Aside from the scar on my face? Pretty damn scarred,” Stephen admitted. “I’d show you, but I don’t think anyone would appreciate me stripping in the hallway.”

“I don’t know,” Abby said before she could stop herself. “The female staff might appreciate it -- and possibly a few of the guys, too, who knows?”

Stephen let out a sharp, surprised laugh. “Oh, Abby, how I missed that,” he said, his voice soft and husky.

“Missed what?” She wasn’t sure she wanted to know.

“The way you always managed to get me to laugh or smile.”

“It’s what I was good at,” Abby said. “The only thing I was good at in our relationship, apparently.” She looked away. “I should go. I need to... I just need to go.”

And Stephen, damn him, just let her go.

 

“They can’t keep doing this forever,” Sarah said as she leaned against a railing, idly watching Connor poke and prod at the computer setup.

Jenny had a feeling the other woman wasn’t talking about Connor. “Stephen and Abby?”

“Yeah.” Sarah nodded. “I’ve only known Abby a few months, and I’ve only known Stephen a week, but it’s blindingly obvious that they’re still in love with each other.”

“I know, but they’re not willing to do anything about it,” Jenny said.

“Then maybe someone should do something about it for them.” Sarah smiled mischeviously. “I’m sure we could manage to lock them in one of the labs long enough for the two of them to finally hash things out, however things end up going.”

Jenny tilted her head thoughtfully. “They _do_ need to do _something_ about their feelings and their issues, she said slowly, contemplatively. “They need to sort them out either way.” She returned the mischevious smile. “And I’m sure we could easily get the two of them into Nick’s lab.”

“So he’s Nick to you now, huh?” Sarah elbowed Jenny playfully. “When did _that_ one happen?”

“Keep your mind on the task at hand, thank you very much,” Jenny said archly, doing a very good impression of being irritated. Only anyone who knew her knew that it was just that -- an impression.

“All right, all right,” Sarah said, holding her hands up in mock surrender. “Task at hand it is, then.”


	7. Chapter 7

Stephen was limping visibly as he approached Cutter’s lab and let himself in. He’d been on his feet and on the go a lot that day, so his supply of cope and deal was just about well and truly run out.

“Nick?” he called.

“He’s not here,” Abby called from where she stood, head cocked as she looked at something or other that Cutter had tacked up on a corkboard.

“That’s pretty unusual for him,” Stephen said, crossing the room to stand next to her even though he knew he should have stayed by the door. Being close to her was all bad for him but he was still drawn to her and he couldn’t explain it. “He’s always in here.”

“What were you looking for him for?” Abby asked, unable to help herself.

“Nothing particular,” Stephen said, running a hand through his hair. “Just wanted to let him know I’m heading home for the night. He worries about me a lot. Hovers, really.” He laughed bitterly. “Surprising, really, given that whole ‘sleeping with his wife’ thing I did.”

“You’re still his friend,” Abby said softly, gently. “Yes, you did something awful, something you shouldn’t have done. But you tried to make amends and nearly lost your life in the process. How could he possibly still hate you after that?” She turned to Stephen, putting a hand on his arm. “Yes, he still hates what you did, there’s no denying that. And there’s no denying that what you did is going to be an issue between you for a while, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to stop caring about you.”

She pulled her hand back and looked away.

“What?” Stephen asked, knowing there was something else Abby wanted to say. He knew how to read her.

“Just like what you did to me doesn’t mean I’m going to stop caring about you.”

“Well, you should,” Stephen said, pain in his voice that had nothing to do with his physical injuries and scars. “Caring about me is just going to get you hurt, Abby, and you don’t deserve to be hurt.”

“Don’t you think I should get a say in it, though?” Abby asked, her eyes flashing. “Don’t you think I should get a say in whether or not you get to push me away and break my heart?”

“See?” Stephen looked at her pleadingly. “Don’t you see? No matter what I do, I’m going to hurt you. I’m all wrong for you, Abby. All wrong.”

“But it’s my heart to get broken, not yours,” Abby said sharply, turning and heading for the door. “Something you should’ve known months ago.”

Stephen could only watch as she tried to open the door. “Something wrong?”

“Yeah, the damn thing’s not opening,” Abby said, trying the door again. “Well, shite. This isn’t good.”

This was the last place she wanted to be right now, stuck in a room with the one person she wanted -- and who didn’t seem to want her in return. Who maybe had never truly wanted her.

“So just make a phone call,” Stephen said. “Tell someone we’re stuck in here. They’ll fix the problem.”

That would be when Abby’s mobile rang. “Yeah? Oh, hey, Sarah. Yeah, I’ve got a bit of a problem. I’m going to be late for drinks. I’m currently stuck in Professor Cutter’s lab. No, I’m not kidding. Stephen’s in here, too, so this is going to be painfully bad. Can you get someone to let us out of here? Thanks, mate.” She hung up and turned to Stephen.

“Painfully bad, huh?” Stephen felt oddly hurt by that. “Good to know you have such a high opinion of me.”

“Well, can you blame me?” Abby turned to face him, folding her arms. “You pushed me away, broke my heart, and... goddamnit, Stephen, why’d you have to come back?” Her voice cracked on the last few words.

“Because I missed you,” he said, looking away for a moment before looking back to her. “I missed being around you. And yeah, I missed my job. But mostly I missed you.”

“So now it’s all about me?” Abby looked -- and felt -- as though she were ready to cry. “You can’t be serious. It’s all about me now, when it was never about me before? How is that fair?”

“I wasn’t in a good place, Abs,” Stephen said, crossing the room towards her slowly. “I wasn’t the kind of guy you deserved then. Hell, I’m still not.”

“Don’t you think I’m a better judge than you of the kind of man I deserve?” Abby’s voice shook but she fought to control it. “Though... maybe you’re right. I deserve a man who loves me and you _never_ loved me.”

“Yes, I did!” Stephen shouted, slamming a hand against the wall and ignoring the shriek of pain that shot up his arm. “I left you _because_ I loved you!”

“You never told me!” Abby shouted back. “You never once said those three words to me, Stephen. I didn’t care at first, because I knew our relationship was still new and we were both easing into it. But by the end of those three months, I’d hoped you might feel that way, given everything we’ve been through together. But you never said a word.”

“Abby, I loved you since before my attack,” Stephen said, pulling his hand back and flexing his fingers.

“Then why didn’t you say anything?”

 

“Because what I wanted didn’t matter,” Stephen said, trailing a finger along Abby’s cheek. He knew he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t help it. He’d missed touching her, missed all the subtle ways she responded. They’d never slept together, but he couldn’t help wondering if her responses during the act would be the same. “It was all about you, love. You were the most amazing thing in my life and I didn’t deserve you.”

“It hurt so much when you pushed me away,” Abby said, turning her face towards his touch. “It felt like I didn’t matter.”

“But you _did_.” He let his hand caress her cheek before sliding down to cup her neck. “You were the _only_ thing that mattered.”

Abby stared up at him. Could she really believe him? God, she wanted to, wanted so much to believe him, to believe _in_ him and what he was saying. But part of her was afraid of getting hurt again, something she thought was rather justifiable a worry.

“It hurt,” she whispered, tears finally sliding down her cheeks. “It hurt, Stephen.”

“Oh, love...” He ducked his head and brushed a light, almost hesitant kiss against her lips. “I’m so sorry.”

“Say it, Stephen,” she whispered against his lips. “Please? Even if you don’t now, say that you did then.”

“I love you,” he whispered back, kissing her almost frantically this time. “I loved you then and I was too afraid to say it. I know I hurt you and I’m so sorry.”

Abby’s only response was to return the kiss every bit as frantically. Relieved beyond the telling of it, Stephen pulled Abby close, kissing her over and over, repeatedly whispering those three words that he’d been so afraid to say before.

“You don’t need to say it so much,” Abby whispered. “I just needed to hear it once.”

“Can’t help it,” Stephen said breathlessly. “It’s like I just can’t stop.”

“Oh. Well, in that case, feel free to continue.” Abby grinned up at him, brushing a kiss along his jaw, nipping carefully along a scar there.

 

Stephen shuddered and might very well have tried to do more with Abby than just snog her senseless in his best friend’s lab if not for the door of said lab opening.

Cutter, Jenny, and Sarah stood outside the lab, with varying reactions. Sarah and Jenny just grinned infuriatingly, while Cutter stared, blinked, and simply said, “Do we need to make ‘no shagging in the laboratories’ a staff rule around here?”

“If so, I am _not_ the one who’s going to Lester about it,” Abby said, giggling hard at the thought.

Joining in Abby’s laughter, Stephen just pulled her close. He knew they still had a lot to work out, but at least now there was the _possibility_ of it working out.

He felt more relaxed and at ease than he had in months.


End file.
